I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
