Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
