What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
