Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
