i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
