My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
