I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
