wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
3pm strippers are depressing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
