i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
