Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
