I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
