The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
