So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
