The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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