He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
