So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
