That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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