I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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