Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
