I hate your face
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
