If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
