Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
