i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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