Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
