Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
