My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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