that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
