is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
