Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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