i jhust puked up my retainher.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Randomize
