everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
