I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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