Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
