Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
