What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
