Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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