Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
