Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
