My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
