why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
