things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
