Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
