got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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