im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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