I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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