just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
