My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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