goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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