Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
