I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
