She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
